I don’t think I’m fat, I just think I could be healthier
My diet :
Being on a diet at this age is looked at like its a bad thing. I’m not starving myself, I’m just filling myself with healthier foods. It isn’t something I woke up and wanted to do, its something I put thought into and here is my plan. I am cutting as many carbohydrates (carbs) out of my eating plan. Less rice, less bread, less… a lot of things. The reason why is because many of the carbs arent...
my motivation feeds off of my sadness to try to push myself out of this rut.
I've never been in love.
Lets be real, I have only been infatuated with lust. Childish hand holding, hugging and pecks. I’ve never been in a serious relationship where people have looked past my exterior.
I feel like I've become a wallflower
I don’t talk to many people, I just walk past everyone and they’re comments. I try not care much about what others say about me, but that slight amount of curiosity always leads me to overthinking these things.
I find myself constantly back in this rut where I’m sad and negative.
Every night, I lay on my bed in hopes that I can fall asleep. Darkness creeps upon the night and I try not to think. A brain filled with emptiness becomes empowered by fear, anger, tears and raw emotions. I try my hardest to fight whatever these may be, but I react sheepishly. Stillness is all I can do while the time passes by quickly. From mediocre to what some say is psychotic.
Bomb ass ending to a beautiful beginning. Started the day going to the passport office with my dad. Went to pick up my sister from work and then went to pho. Afterwards, went to check out my dad’s friend’s upcoming food place. Went home and thats when shit started going downnnnn. My girlie debbie called me to ask if we could go earlier to get something at pmall. I was down and my dad...
December 27, 2012
Today was such a wonderful day compared to the day before. I woke up and got ready to see Yu Xin and Louise at Hollywood! I hate it there but whatever’s. Their service was sloppy. But I got French toast and fries. Then I went over to Debbie’s to fool around :’) ahahaha then went over to tiana’s to play in the snow. LOL we are seriously getting too old for this. We made this...
I really don’t know what to say anymore. It’s very hard answering people’s constant question of “Do you know _ _ _ _?”
Its been a long time since I have been able to gather all my thoughts and make everything coherent. Lately what has been killing me is myself. I am not the same girl I was a year, month, week or day ago. I cannot accept myself for who I am and what I have become because I do not know who “I” am. I make mistakes, stubble upon problems, have vivid flashbacks and forget the lustrous meaning...
November 19, 2012
Yes tumblr, I am back…ish. I woke up at 6:20 today and then fell back asleep. Ended up waking at 7:30… GG late. Got ready, went to skooool. I hate school. Its so embarassing walking in late and with my co-op board. First period was decision making skits in groups. My group was so cute. Second period, went to french to read outloud and answer questions. Omg… done with this book.....
I don’t know if I’m in like with someone I love or in love with someone I like.
I can’t fucking maintain a 80% average.
Yeah, I do wear a lot of eyeliner. I get that its thick, do you think I don’t know and couldn’t tell on my own? I may wear a most of it but it doesn’t mean I cake my face. I just put a lot on because I have monolids and its hard to see eyeliner otherwise.
You mean the world to me
You always have and probably always will be.
B, I know you're not stupid.
I don’t need a tracker to know if you still check up on me. I just know or hope you do. I also know that you knew my post all my posts were about you.
The first thing people ask me is ” Do you know __________?!” It makes me feel like shit because you’re someone I once knew really well and not someone I know today.
I am rude, inconsiderate, impatient and all the negative things you can think of. But fuck it, did you think I didn’t know already?
Isn’t it obvious I still like you more than I should? And how you don’t even care about it? On the night I was going to confess, you took it as a joke and now… we’ve lost everything
There are some girls I just can’t vibe with. Although we’ve never talked, they’ve given me all the reasons to not like them. Its funny how you think you run shit and think you’re so big. I’m fucking proud of myself for not beating the living shit out of you yet. And if you ever call me out, be ready to fight because you’re all talk.
I may listen to “ghetto” music about sex, drugs and shit, but don’t be mislead because I don’t do that shit.
September 19, 2012
oh heyyy~ haven’t done one of these in the longest while. Got up at 6:30 to get ready. had a muffin for breakfast, then headed to school around 7:35. Arrived at school and PARTAY-ED. jk, went to the library to do research. Then went to french class… omg, learned stupid imperfect verbs or whatever they’re called. Then went to science.. starting to hate it. The people I sit with...
I try to be happy.
and god dammit, I’m fucking good at looking that way because I’m a wreck inside.
“It’s alright.” I’m okay, because I know that’s what you want me to say.
I push myself harder and harder because I know I can’t do it. But I make sure I do it anyways…
Maybe I should pick up karate again
I have all this extra energy I could put into my training
everytime something doesn’t meet standards, I fail a bit more. I’m more sick than you think I am.
You weren’t even my boyfriend or anything. Maybe its all the emotions from withdrawal. How your routine got altered to be as close to perfect as possible because the person you we’re talking was worth everything. The loss of sleep, passing up friends and putting them front and centre. How comforting eachother and making eachother happy means everything… well, it meant everything...
You were the only one that made me want to say forever.
You became a part of me I can't resist.
I got cut. Maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally and mentally
Lol, why is texting him making me so nervous and giving me butterflies.
I would’ve never thought we’d turn out like this.
oh, we waved today.
thankfully I didnt cry, but boy did I die a little….
September 6, 2012
Okay, woek up late.. missed bus, got to school on time, people makde shit obvious and wanted to cry. had lunch, found out shit, went to class, texted dad. dad left for china, went home, napped, did work, viet dinner, had icecream… now here. okay bye.
After not talking to you since July, I still have all feelings for you. I still have a soft spot for you… ask any one, they’ll tell you
Die a little, cry a little and get by a little...
“I’m just not good… not good enough”
I’m probably no one to you now… I give up.
bitches know me as your past
But I’m no baggage…
found out a little more than I should...
it kills..lol…I liked you so much. I tried letting go and hearing this today is making things harder.
For a period of time, you were the reason I would stay up late and make sure I wake up early. I enjoyed having you be my first “Good morning” and last “Good night”. The reasons I stay up now is because I don’t want to forget this routine. I think that you’ll come back one day and that everything will fall back into place… but foolish me, nothing can ever...
If I knew that the last time we’d speak was back in July… I would’ve told you everything. Cleared everything that was on my chest and would’ve never ended the conversation…